i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize