meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How does one acquire holy water?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
