can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize