I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
