dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
