she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
