hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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