i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Operation Purity has been aborted
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
