have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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