He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
