I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
