Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Randomize
