WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
