It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize