i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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