She said her name was "party"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
