I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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