I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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