I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
