And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
