good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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