my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize