just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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