Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
