If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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