Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dear god my vagina.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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