My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
