Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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