I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
