I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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