we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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