The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
