I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
