Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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