She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize