I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
