You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
