I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
