I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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