Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
