Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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