Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
