i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
