My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize