His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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