Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
