I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize