I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
