Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
