I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
