So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
