Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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