Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
