i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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