Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Come see our sink grown plant.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
