This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
