You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm going to jail i love you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
