i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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