oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
