i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
