i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
