Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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