"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
