What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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