I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
