Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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