My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
