whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
