dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
