he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
