i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
